Only My Eyes Move: Afterthoughts

I came up with the idea for Only My Eyes Move when I was about thirteen. As part of my creative writing course, I had to develop poems. This course would lead to the creation of a poem called Slave. Although I know that the name sounds sus looking back, my friends heavily criticized me when I showed the poem to them years later. But, I will now offer it to you in the spirit of sharing. It isn’t a good poem, but those who have read Only My Eyes Move will notice similarities in theme and general tone.

Slave

I must dance, I must dance

I am pulled and tugged

Stretched and twisted

What must I do?

There is not a thing to do!

My shouts are drowned by the howls of the beasts.

They point at me.

They snarl at me.

I must dance, I must dance.

The beasts in a frenzied trance don’t notice me

I stretch for them

Contort for their fun

They are never done – they demand me to do more

But I have no choice - My mouth and body move by themselves

I jump, I bend, but no-one helps me.

Who is doing this to me?

The spotlight streams over me.

Never hidden…..

The cruelty continues to me.

The beasts always want more!

My limbs become sore.

But they can’t stop moving.

I tap my feet to a fast tune – they laugh and demand of me to go faster.

I go faster and faster and faster

And faster still

I don’t know how long it will last.

How long will I last?

I must dance…

I must dance - They say they love me.

But how can they?

They hurt me.

They scare me.

They laugh at me even when the light dies

And I am dropped, tangled, and mangled into a box.

They don’t love me!

They never hear my fear!

But I must dance!

I always knew that the macabre started early, but sometimes I am shocked by it.

I think you can see why Slave doesn’t work, and there isn’t enough context to fully understand what is going on. I have had complaints that the poem was sexually suggestive or just confusing. The structure isn’t perfect; it doesn’t flow well at all. However, the general frightened tone, the existential dread, and familiar imagery are still present.

When I started Eight Nightmares, Only My Eyes Move (under the working title of The Performance) was the first that got anywhere after the failed attempt with There is No One Online (an article later on). I wrote the first draft within a few days, then spent a couple of months polishing it and finding an editor and artist. Then waiting for them to do their magic, I had my first book self-published.

It still feels weird that I can say that I have self-published a work of fiction.

I am proud of Only My Eyes Move. But do I look back on it and see flaws in it? I don’t think I will always be proud of it. I loved writing about a tormented little puppet trying to speak but never being able to. I hope my readers can empathize with Billy’s existential tragedy as much as I have.

If you want to read Only My Eyes Move, please consider buying from the link below; it helps! Please consider leaving reviews. I love to hear what you think of my work and how I can improve myself.

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Acknowledgments

I want to thank my editor Dale De Kock and artist Ella Alhers for all the great work they have given me in realizing my vision. Finally, I would like to thank all my beta readers for their help in polishing and reviewing my work. If you want a seat here, please consider subbing to my Patreon for as little as 1$ per month.